no stress, no stress, no stress

oh how i wish i could be stress-free. if only for a little while! this week, just as so many before, has proven to be full of challenges and stressful situations. i have one big paper that i have only done a little bit of research for. the rough draft of that is due on friday then i have to finish it by next tuesday. see, that alone wouldn't be a big deal. but it's everything else! finals next week, 3 of which are on the first 2 days of the week; planning, prepping, and hosting ori's bridal shower on saturday; working 3 hours on friday and 4 on saturday; studying for my 5 finals next week; and just trying to get all the end-of-the-semester stuff done. whew.

another thing...apartment selection is tonight. i'm really nervous because the best number my group got was 70. and although we'll get to pick before all juniors, i'm still scared that too many people will have better numbers. i know we'll get an apartment, that doesn't worry me...it's what apartment we get. we really want 211 or 210 and betsy's group would get the other one then we'd be across the hall from each other, plus we'll have the balcony! but i'm truly afraid that won't happen. but, only 4 hours til we find out! crazy.

anyway, i guess i'll close this blog by requesting prayer for these last 2 weeks. i hope your weeks are full of fun and joy and much, much, much less stress!

turnin back ain't really an option

i heard the birds today. it sounds stupid, but i love hearing birds because i know it's officially spring. never mind the snow we had at the beginning of the week...summer is on the way. and this girl could not be happier.

here is what i'm looking forward to in the upcoming months:
1. kelsey's return.
2. bethany's return...although i may not see her, just to know she's in the states will be comfort enough.
3. camp amigo and all that goes along with it.
4. no school.
5. living at home again, kind of.
6. going to colorado and seeing audra again.
7. attempting to get a tan.
8. saturday night bonfires at amanda's.
9. the boys, i.e. rick and nick, coming home for number 8.
10. cheesy summer movies. i'm looking forward to 17 again, hannah montana the movie, ghosts of girlfriends past, just to name a few.
11. no stupid fights with roommates.

here is what i am not looking forward to:
1. betsy will be in colorade/pheonix, gina in nicaragua, dan in nebraska, irina in oregon.
2. the sooner it starts, the sooner camp is over.
3. the extra weeks that i'll spend at camp for c.i.p.
4. stupid fights with my brother
5. cleaning out my room so kyle can move in...then moving to the upstairs spare.
6. not seeing irina everyday.
7. reuns on tv.
8. not living in goshen.

so i guess the positives outweight the negatives. this summer is going to be busy...traveling and working 2 jobs and trying to get ready for the next crazy school year. it'll be good to relax for a while and let my body unwind from this stressful month. in the next week i need to finish 2 papers, plan a bridal shower, get ready for the bridal shower, and start studying for finals. plus work and all the little assignments that go along with class everyday. luckily i don't have to start packing since i'll be around for may term. i want to move back home, but i'm really going to miss being a part of a larger community. it's been nice to know i could go to mcdonalds or walmart whenever i wanted and not have to plan a half hour of driving.

so, all in all, the past few weeks have been full of excitment, nervousness, stress, joy, creativness, happiness, and even a little annoyance. but it's been good. and this summer will be even better.

how do you sleep

as most of you know, i am horrible about making decisions. i change my mind hundreds of times when i'm trying to decide something important. well, i made another important decision...i changed my major....again.

this year has been good, but i haven't felt like i was really getting it. the thing about history classes is that you really have to think a lot about what you're reading and everything that the author was thinking when you're reading. you have to write all your papers with theses and evidence, lots of evidence. i found out that my brain just doesn't think like that. at all. so i've struggled through it. but this semester when i started taking an educational psychology class, things became so much more clear. i understood what was going on in the class and i loved conversations about how we could apply what we learned to our classrooms. so i got to thinking, what would happen if i switched to and el. ed. major? i met with one of the el. ed. professors and we figured out that i could finish in 2 years, which i was planning on anyway. so today i officially switched my major. and an enormous weight was lifted off my shoulders.

that's how i know that this decision isn't crazy.

since i've started telling people, i'm amazed at how many have said they thought i should have been doing this all along. my friend carrie told me last night that way back when i was a youth ministry major, she thought i should have been in elementary education. so now i am...and i can't wait to get into it all over the next two years!

a colbie caillat kind of day

today is the most beautiful day indiana has ever seen in march! i guess that's a pretty bold statement, but i think it could quite possibly be true. it's 62 degrees outside, the sun is shining, and everyone is happy! that doesn't happen often, especially around 209. haha. it's one of those days where all you want to be is at the arboretum with you guitar and your best friends, singing your hearts out. it's just one of those colbie caillat kind of days...pure happiness! but seriously, the only way this day could get any better was if my night class was cancelled, and since that won't happen, i have to start reading pretty soon.

you make me smile, please stay for a while now.

my friends are wonderful. sometimes i get really frustrated with them, but deep down i really love them. i don't know if i tell them that enough, so, friends, i love you. on saturday, my roommates decided to throw amanda and i a surprise birthday party. 2 weeks after our birthday is pretty clever if you ask me, but i, being the observant individual that i am, and kind of all ready figured out about it already. it was so much fun though...waiting in our apartment when we got back from shopping with kim were old friends and new friends and people that have helped make this year bearable. kim even made us cakes! [mine if pictured below.] it was really a lot of fun, but now i'm afraid no one will ever throw another surprise party for me because i'm just too nosy....then again, bethany and audra pulled one off last year, so who knows!

love is crazy pretty baby, take it real slow; my feelings show.

i love it when kim comes to visit because i end up hanging out with completely different people. we usually hang out with michael and his crew, and michael has some pretty cute friends! they're a lot of fun, and i can't wait til she's here next year all the time so i can hang out with them more often!

if you just realize what i just realized, that we'd be perfect for each other and we'd never find another.

the cake that kim made for me.
[we're 21 this year! haha]

kim and i with the cake.

this is betsy with me at hour after the night of the party. we're pretty much the same person, and although we look nothing alike, we're twins. she's made this semester so much better! [kelsey, you are going to LOVE her when you meet her next year!]

hello kansas

that's what i thought today when i walked outside on my way to class. the weather reminded me so much of the early spring days in hesston...as mild 60 degress, the clouds rolling over the sun, and the wind blowing my hair everywhere. but it is so great! this weather just makes me want summer to come that much quicker!

this semester has flown by! spring break is over! i can't even believe it! and i wasted it away sick at home. but now it's time to buckle down and focus on the million projects i have to complete within the next 8 weeks. it's really incredible how much i have to do. what's even more incredible is how little motivation i have to get it all done. i'm forcing myself to complete 1 or 2 projects each week on top of the day-to-day homework that is assigned. focusing and getting assignments done is not my strong point, so this has been so hard for me. i just keep praying that god will give me the energy and determination to just get it all done before the last minute.

one more thing i realized today...i am officially an adult. there is no more to look forward to. i can now do anything or buy anything i want without any limitations (well, i guess besides renting a car). and turnign 21 wasn't even a big deal. so i guess this means that birthdays just don't matter as much as they used to.

on top of the piles of homework and the stress, i really am happy. i'm at a good place in life, learning to accept things for what they are and finding out more and more about myself everyday. and i keep strengthening meaningful relationships, both with my friends far away and the new friends i've made here. contentment is a good thing.

what i've learned about happiness

i've learned that happiness can be fleeting. [or maybe that's hormones]

i've learned that it's okay not to please everyone all the time. you can have a servant's heart and not please everyone if you're always compromising your happiness.

i've learned that sometimes you just have to do things for yourself.

i've learned that happiness can come from an evening home with my parents. [how i wish i was there now]

i've learned to love the simple things of life.

i've learned that situations where people are tearing me down is not good for me, and that i can get out of them.

i've learned that being alone in my room with the music turned way up is the best therapy.

but the most important thing of all, what i need to keep reminding myself::

i've learned that you don't define my happiness.

should i give up or should i just keep chasing pavements

i only have a few minutes, but i just felt like posting a small little update of life in goshen. the weather is beautiful today...sunny, warm, and windy, just like kansas. it makes me miss those lazy days in hesston so much more. but i know the weather won't last and that it'll get colder within the next few days, so i have to enjoy it while it's here.

for the first time, goshen college is starting to fit for me. i have friends the aren't just from hc. i feel like i can go to those friends and hang out with them and have fun with them without the security of my roommates...not that i don't love being with my roommates, this is just different. there's even a group of us that always have lunch together at noon on mondays, wednesdays and fridays...a bunch of girls and dan. it's a lot of fun. and last friday our apartment was filled people laughing and playing games. it was incredible. so thanks for praying for this; your prayers have been answered. but keep praying, because sometimes the work load here overwhelms me way too much, and i'll need all the help from upstairs that i can get!