even when the flood starts risin'

i am washed by the water.

january.31.2009.

time just keeps passing me by, day by day,
hour by hour
minute by minute
second by second.

even when the earth crumbles under my feet.

just when i try to make myself depressed, something always seems to cheer me up! i want to be sad, to feel sorry for myself, but something stops me. a smiley face, an inside joke, a hug, the beautiful glistening snow, a text message, a song; doesn't matter what it is, but somehow God knows that I need that little reminder that he's constant.

and then, i rejoice in him!

i won't fall as long as you're around me.

even when the rain falls, even when the flood starts risin'
even when the storm comes, i am washed by the water.

losing the feeling of feeling unique

this will be a little quick entry...midweek...short and [bitter]sweet...

lately i've been feeling really stressed and underappreciated and just sort of...blah. i don't know why. i can't point to one specific situation and say, "that's what made me feel this way." i just do. and i don't really like it. as i mentioned before, my next few weeks are busy, plus adding all this schoolwork to the mix doesn't really help it much. the only good news is that it has been snowing for about 6 straight days, and the outdoors are just magical right now! (perfect for a weekend at camp on the tube runs!) and they're calling for more and more snow the next few days, even blizzard-like conditions tomorrow. the only sucky thing about this all is the freakishly cold temperatures. ok, so maybe it's not as bad as bethany has it in sweden, but for indiana, this is crazy. i think the high for tomorrow is like 3...that's too cold. but in my opinion, the wonderment of snow makes up for it all!

[like my ability to start out with a totally depressing blog post then completely turn it around?? that, my friends, is called optimism.]

run away, girl, run away now

i am simply here. i'm not necessarily loving being back, but here i am. i guess i'm just sort of apathetic to the whole thing...it's good in some ways, but i wasn't quite ready for this again.

i thought that this break would make things better. i thought maybe i'd start meeting more people. i thought that everyone would come back in better moods and we would be able to start over again. but none of that happened.

i guess it's only the second day of classes so there's plenty of time. right now i'm just focusing on my hectic schedule this month...going home next weekend to play piano, leading the worship team at camp amigo's winter youth retreat for a whole bunch of jr. highers the next week, then getting to spend some time with one of my best friends in the entire world! [that's not hectic, just super exciting!] i'll get through it all, but for now i just need to take things one step at a time.

one things i've been thinking about a lot lately is if i have any regrets about coming to goshen and continuing my education here. and sometimes i think i do. i wish i would have looked into more options that involved service or even checked out the state schools in the area that would have been way cheaper. but then again, i wouldn't change the opportunity to get to know irina for anything! she has become the one stable thing in my life and i know i can always go to her to vent or just to laugh with. and i have made come good friends here at goshen. so maybe i just would have done things a little differently if i could go back.

but no regrets.

time keeps ticking on

i can't believe winter break is over. tomorrow i'll be back on a campus where i tend to feel totally alone. it's been great working more and spending time with my family these last few weeks. i feel like i've grown up a lot this year already, and so seeing my family was a lot different this christmas. i was able to relate more to my older cousins who have always intimidated me, and i spend the whole day yesterday with my parents and loved it. weird, but it happened.

i think i've finally made a decision about this summer. i was offered a job at camp again working on the leadership team and i'm pretty sure i'm going to take it! there's nothing i love doing more than hanging out with kids all day and there's no place i love more than camp amigo. so for the third year in a row, i'll be back at camp!

life keeps going on, so i guess i'll go along with it....
...on to reality......