many shades of black

i feel like my life is really stale right now. i'm at a stand still. things aren't going bad, they're just not going entirely wonderful either.

i have so much to do that it's hard to even think sometimes. i have no motivation to do all of those things, which throws me off completely. and every night around 9:00 i start getting this awful headache that follows me no matter what. my magic headache medicine can't even help it.

my spiritual life has felt a little stiff lately too. i've been going to church and even helping, but it's to the point where i can't really listen to any christian or praise and worship music because it just depresses me. i can't really remember the last time i've felt as though god was truly here. that scare me.

but through it all, time keeps ticking. somehow i'll make it through.

it's a good thing i love christmas.

the other side of the door

midterm is officially over and and it's all downhill from here. that's the scary part. every single semester, it feels like there is nothing to do during the first half, then all of the sudden there's a mountain of work in front of me...projects. lesson plans. exams.

as much as i hate it, it's definitely helping me become a better teacher. i was so scared at the beginning of the year because i thought i knew nothing, but as we're out in the schools more and more, it's becoming more natural. it fits so well with my personality, and i'm so glad i've found something i love to do. the kids i've worked with so far are so much fun and i look forward to going to the school 4 mornings a week, even if it is early.

i've also found a lot of time for fun this semester. i took a trip to chicago over fall break with kelsey and renee. we had so much fun walking around the city and shopping. just like last year, it made me realize how much i love the city and really want to live there at some point. just to see if i could do it.

over thanksgiving i'm heading out to hesston with kim to meet up with bethany and maybe audra. i'm soooo excited to see b again!!!! it's been way too long. and of course, i love seeing audra, but i also just saw her this summer. i'll stay with the nebels and hopefully see the burhmans and kevin while i'm out there. i'm looking forward to going back to kansas.

and hopefully between now and then josh will come out to visit the college. he keeps putting off deciding when he'll come, so who knows if he'll actually show. but it would be great to see him again since it's been over a year.

well, i have to go wash dishes...we have way too many right now...oops!

i've got a feeling

this summer flew by. real fast. and now i'm sitting in my new apartment starting my senior (but really junior) year. it's crazy. but i love it.

summer was good, of course. but it got to be really long. as much fun as i had at camp, i was ready to be done. it was time. and i thought i wasn't really ready to come back to school, but it's actually been a lot of fun! i love my apartment and my roommates and it's so much fun being back with friends. this semester is going to be really busy...but it'll be a blast too!

stay tuned for updates.

i think about you in the summertime

well, summer is off to a fantastic start. after 3 weeks of camp i've determined that amigo centre is the one place that recharges me and makes me feel the most alive. the feeling of love and acceptance and closeness to god that i get when i'm there is incredible. and the people are fantastic too. the leadership team this summer is exeptionally great. we have so much fun just hanging out together and laughing at each other, and by "each other" i really mean me. :]

the rest of the staff is extremely interesting. they're a lot of fun, it's just that they're all so unique. for the most part, it is a really young staff. i think there are only 4 people that are older than me. and that makes me feel really old. but i see maturity in them that is needed for our jobs, which makes me excited about the summer. i can't wait for our first group of campers to come tomorrow and to really get the party started!

i do feel really bad, though, about how much i forget about most of my friends during the summer. that sounds horrible, and in fact it probably it, but i have some friends that seem to be more my summer friends. like maggie...we met at camp and we've been friends ever since, but we only really see each other in the summer. so we're together all the time. over the past 3 weeks i think there have only been about 3 days when we haven't been together. and living at camp during the week really takes a lot of time away from other friends...seeing them or just calling them. i was able to have two long converations with friends this past week which was awesome, and i'm sitting here with my bestie right now!! so if you're feeling like i'm ignoring you, sorry. just call me!


.i.love.summer.

it's the age of princesses and pirate ships

well folks, may term is over!!! it is now officially summer!!

i am so excited that it's all over. but i can't believe it either. this year literally flew by. it seems like just yesterday we were moving into this apartment, and now it's empty. it echos. and that's weird.

was it a good year? i'd say that it definitely redeemed itself. i've learned a lot about myself and who i want to be. i've learned how to go outside my comfort zone, even though sometimes i really don't want to at all. i've finally found the thing i want to do most with my life. and i love it.

today was such a good day because, not only was it the last day of may term, it was also one of the first real summer days. it was hot...like in the 80s. there was not a cloud in the sky. i got everything packed up and moved home. and the season finale of american idol was on...and guess who won? my favorite of course. kris allen. he's incredible. for all of you outside the u.s., you need to look him up on youtube or something. he's so artistic and creative and i could listen to him forever. so, yeah, i'd say it was a good day.

the next step...camp. oh, you have no idea how excited i am about this. i move in 5 days to one of the small cabins on the camp grounds...hopefully junco because the hill to nuthatch is a killer. i can't wait to start with that lifestyle. i've said it before and i'll say it again::

it just isn't summer without camp.

just jump right in

may term is here. and i love it. the weather has been really nice lately, and i absolutely love my class. i'm taking foundations of education, which is basically a class that introduces everything about being a teacher. my class has elementary and secondary education majors in it, and we have placements everyday with it. i got to monger elementary in elkhart and work with a 3rd grade class there. it's so interesting because that school is so different from my own elementary experience. for one thing, the only diversity i ever knew was amish and english. in my class at monger, there is only one white student; the others are hispanic and african american. the teacher that i'm working with seems to always be yelling to try and get their attention. tomorrow i'm teaching the math lesson, and i'm a little nervous that i won't be able to keep control of the class, and i've learned recently that control is everything.

another reason why i love may term is that there is a lot of time to just hang out. i've met some new people on campus and have been able to strengthen relationships with others. this place is growing on me more and more.

no stress, no stress, no stress

oh how i wish i could be stress-free. if only for a little while! this week, just as so many before, has proven to be full of challenges and stressful situations. i have one big paper that i have only done a little bit of research for. the rough draft of that is due on friday then i have to finish it by next tuesday. see, that alone wouldn't be a big deal. but it's everything else! finals next week, 3 of which are on the first 2 days of the week; planning, prepping, and hosting ori's bridal shower on saturday; working 3 hours on friday and 4 on saturday; studying for my 5 finals next week; and just trying to get all the end-of-the-semester stuff done. whew.

another thing...apartment selection is tonight. i'm really nervous because the best number my group got was 70. and although we'll get to pick before all juniors, i'm still scared that too many people will have better numbers. i know we'll get an apartment, that doesn't worry me...it's what apartment we get. we really want 211 or 210 and betsy's group would get the other one then we'd be across the hall from each other, plus we'll have the balcony! but i'm truly afraid that won't happen. but, only 4 hours til we find out! crazy.

anyway, i guess i'll close this blog by requesting prayer for these last 2 weeks. i hope your weeks are full of fun and joy and much, much, much less stress!