you've got growing up to do

we had a rainstorm of leaves today. the wind was blowing just hard enough that the leaves were being blown off the trees. every once in a while one would hit me as i was riding bike through campus. it was pretty sweet. and the weather here is just gorgeous! it was like 75 degrees today! but i heard it is supposed to snow this weekend, so it'll just hit us all at once.

i've been thinking lately how i am scheduled to go on sst to peru in the spring semester off 2011. this is my fifth year and my final semester before grad. but all the other people i'll be going on sst with aren't even out of high school yet. most people go on sst during their sophomore year and i'm going my fifth year. i'm on the waiting list to go to nicaragua this summer and part of me really wants to go and get it over with. but at the same time, i'd be missing a lot this summer. but no matter what happens, i'll have to miss a lot of life back here. that's just the way it is.

well, i have homework and an intramural volleyball game and the office to watch and sleep to get in tonight yet. oh, for those of you with skype, my webcam is up and running!! so call me! we'll have a skype date!

the world spins madly on

for those of you who aren't in the u.s. right now, the presidential election is this coming tuesday.

so who am i supposed to vote for?? here's what i keep thinking: "who would jesus vote for." part of me thinks he wouldn't vote at all, but i don't know. i feel like neither of the candidates are going to solve all of our problems, so i don't even want to bother with it. but if i don't vote i feel like i'm not making a difference. and i've never been around so many people divided. maybe it's just because i'm old enough to vote so i'm paying attention more, but even on the gc campus alone...everyone has different opinions. of course, being goshen, most people are pro-obama, but there are a few die-hard mccain fans that lay low. i feel like i'm as confused as ever. sometimes i try to pick a topic that's most important to me and vote for the candidate who's posistion is closer to mine, but how do i know that these so-called "promises" are really going to happen.

this huge election scares the crap out of me. what's going to happen? if feel like if obama doesn't win that his supporters will go crazy and bomb something!! the whole country could be in an uproar! but i don't know if he's the right person for the job. i don't know if mccain is the right person for the job either. and i don't know if the country's ready for a black president or a female vice president. tuesday is going to change our country in ways that aren't even imaginable...until tuesday. it'll change life as we know it.

will the music ever be enough

if you know me, it's no secret that music is everything to me. i'm not one to be involved in everything, but over the last few years i've come to appreciate all different types of music. like right now, my favorite is the new gym class heros album, the classics like ella fitzgerald and frank sinatra, and of course the music from high school musical 3. there's such a difference between all of those, but all of them bring my so much.

i love the feeling i get when i turn up my music really loud and i just sit and baske in it.

i let the music cover me. let it consume me.

but will the music ever be enough?

eventually, real life is going to have to win out. but that hasn't happened yet. so i'm stuck in this illusion of false reality. music is magical and romantanticized, and although it can be powerful, and powerfully honest, it is rarely real.

when will i be able to experience it for the first time, all of it, powerful, and real??

the magic city

i think i'm a city girl at heart.

i spent yesterday in chicago with irina, walking up and down michigan avenue, and thinking a lot about where i see myself in 4 years. i grew up in the small confining community and i don't really think i want to stay there. i love having pretty much the whole world at your fingertips and having so many opportunities to grow and learn and explore. the city is magical to me. i long to live in a huge apartment building, take the bus or the el or walk to work, and see people from all different walks of life pass me by on the streets. maybe i'm just romanticizing the whole thing, but talking to ellie about her life there at moody just makes me want to pack up and join her. i mean, i don't want the whole curfew and no movies and insane studying that she has, i just want a city lifestyle.

i love it, but it also scares the crap out of me.

maybe i'll live there some day. who knows.

for now, i'll keep dreaming.

amigos for all seasons

ahhh...fall break! there is nothing better than a lovely sunny sunday afternoon when you know you have nothing to do the next day.

i went to camp amigo with darin, jes and carrie friday night and this morning to lead worship at celebrate amigo. it was so much fun to be up there again. i'm pretty sure that's my favorite place on earth! i just feel so at home there. i love walking the trails and seeing familiar faces. i'm putting together a worship band for one of the jr. high winter youth retreats in january...i'm kind of nervous about it. who knows if i'll be able to pull it off or not, but it will be fun trying. i'm also helping out with all the other jr. high and sr. high retreats. and they told me they still want me to be the activities director next summer--boy would i love that job! it would be spectacular! but i'm not sure if i can really afford the spend another summer up there. i have way too many loans that i need to start paying off so i'm not sure if i'll be able to do it all.

today during the worship service, people were sharing "sacred moments" that they had at amigo over the years. it got me thinking about what sacred moments i've had there. i think i've had a lot, but one that sticks out the most happened this summer. during st. joe week, when most of the kids are there on scholarships and are from low-income, mainly single-parent homes, i had 5 girls who hated going to worship. it seemed as if i had to drag them kicking and screaming every morning and every evening and they wouldn't even stand up to sing or do any of the motions. but at about the middle of the week, one of the girls asked if she could have a bible to read during r&r. then the other girls wanted some too. so i went into the program office where we have cupboards full of bibles and got the girls bibles. i wrote a little messages in them and gave them to them before r&r. the girls read their new bibles the whole hour and it was one of the most peaceful r&rs ever. after that, they began taking more interest in the worships and even started standing up when we sang. it wasn't much, but i feel like i watched a little progress, maybe i even planted a seed. it was one of my most sacred moments at camp amigo.

well, my best friend erica is over to spend the night and irina and i are going to chicago on tuesday, so i have a big week ahead of me. i'm excited to go to the city again...it's been a few years since i've taken the train downtown. it'll be a lot of fun. anyway, i better get going so i can get some rest for the week!

ahhh...goshen in the fall!

I realized again this week how much I loved the fall and how much I missed the leaves turning colors in Kansas. They just didn't do that out there, but boy to they do it here! There's every color you can imagine and it's so beautiful! It reminds me of when I was in Jr. High and we just started having boy/girl parties. We would have them on someone's farm and have a bonfire and a hayride. Usually the older siblings of whoever's house we were at would find a way to scare us on the hayride. I used to love those parties. Hey, I should have a bonfire at my house soon!

I started a new job on Saturday. I work at The Nut Shoppe in downtown Goshen. It's pretty much a candy store with a wall of Jelly Bellys, chocolate truffles, turtles with pecans, carmel, and chocolate, and chocolate covered creams. We also made a whole bunch of chocolate covered coffee beans on Saturday and I got to taste-test them...they were amazing! When I'm there I help customers that come in and help stock of candy for the Christmas season. For four hours on Saturday I took butter creams off a tray where they were drying, fixed any holes they had by covering them up with chocolate, put them in little paper dish things, and then put them in boxes so we can use them for orders in the future. This is they're busiest time, so I don't know much I'll be needed after Christmas, but for now it's a good job. At least I have money coming from somewhere. The owner is a friend of my cousin and is only 23. She's a nurse and owns the store so she's pretty busy. She didn't interview me or anything; she just told me to come in on Saturday for training. She understands the life of college students so she's good at giving me little, yet just enough hours. I think I'm working 10 hours this week which is good since it's also midterms.

Oh yeah, fall break is next week. We have Monday through Wednesday off and I have no idea what I'm going to do. I was going to go to EMU but the people I wanted to stay with aren't going to be there. Amanda's going there and Ori's going to Ohio and I have no idea what Irina's doing, so maybe I'll just stay here by myself. Actually, I'll probably go home Sunday afternoon and stay there for a few days just get away. Maybe mom, grandma, and I can take our annual shopping trip so I can get some new clothes! And if Kyle's soccer team wins regionals this week I'll have to go watch him in semi-state...that would be awesome!

Well, I feel like I haven't slept in a few days since I've been so busy with studying and homework, so maybe I'll take a little nap. And I have to catch up on last week's Greys episode!

they bring me to you

Life in Goshen seems to never slow down. I feel like I'm always doing homework...as soon as I think I'm caught up, I realize there's more to do. Don't get me wrong, I am finding time for fun and One Tree Hill, but most of my time is literally consumed with reading and writing. I didn't realize what college is really like until I came here. At Hesston, it was all about being social and finding yourself. Here, it's all about getting an education and being aware of what's going on in the world. I honeslty find myself wondering if I should have come here from the start. I know I would have liked it, and maybe it would have been the better decision...I defintely wouldn't be in school an extra year like I will be now. But then again, Hesston was ah-mazing. I can't very well be okay with giving up that experience.

I have found time to pick up a new hobby--Picnik. It's pretty much addicting. It's this program online where you can upload your pictures and do some pretty awesome editting with them. I usually do about one a day, but it slows down my computer a lot so there's only so much I can take. I've added a few of my favorites to show off my amazing skills...(just kidding, but really...)

Princesses on Ice of course!

This is a poem written by one of our staff members...she is an amazing writer! Actually, she's a creative writing major at Purdue...

Me playing guitar in Denver...and one of my favorite quotes.

Miss Maggie Mae and me at a concert this summer...and they lyrics to our favorite song.

That pretty much says it all!